Recently like many I am falling down the hole of stressing about the lack of growth and engagement on instagram. It leads me down a never ending tunnel of not feeling good enough, of worrying I’m doing the wrong thing and I can over think to the point where I struggle to sleep and just think about whether I am ever going to achieve the goals I want to achieve. I am always talking to Sam about it and in all honesty he is my little ray of sunshine, the belief that boy has in me is outstanding. But it it’s the kind of belief I should have in myself already.But in my most recent saga of going into utter turmoil I sat myself down and thought about it all. Why am I getting into such a tis about my growth, engagement and following. After all yes, they are ways to success aren’t they. Through growth and engagement you get more noticed and thus become more ‘influential’ I’m not going to beat around the bush here, lots of people I feel hate to admit this but it’s true, we grow and that’s how people can make this their day to day careers right. But one thing I realised is that to grow and get the engagement we strive for we have to strip it back to the why. To the small things that get us excited to create photos, to write, to create videos. Because when we focus on those it’s inevitable that the rest will come and follow suit.
When I strip it all back and really think about why I started writing and taking photos and uploading to my blog and on instagram it comes down to the fact that I wanted to share how to style clothes in a casual and every day way. How the girl who used to live in football shirts and trainers can now wear skirts and heels and still feel casual enough to go for coffee and still feel great. I want people to also know that you can throw on trainers, a hoody and jeans and not feel boring, but really feel yourself in that outfit because girls even in the most casual of looks you can look AMAZING. I wanted to use this space to write about my life experiences, my thoughts and feelings in the hopes that people that decide to read will nod along in agreement or that they will feel like they’re not alone or have a spark of realisation. Who knows, I just know one of the reasons is simply because I want to help someone, even if it’s just one person.I create photo’s because I enjoy the way they look, I enjoy looking for locations, thinking of how to style pieces, angles so that each photo can look different and enables me to use 3 photos per outfit on my grid, plus enough for at least 5-6 photos per blog post. I love editing the photos and making the colours pop in outfits and the details shine. I want to show people that anyone could turn what they love into something for extra money or even carry on absolutely loving their hobby and it doesn’t matter if you think it’s boring or the outfit isn’t ‘wow’ because you’re not doing it for people, you’re doing it for you and if other’s like it well what an amazing plus!
I want to start a youtube because I love the idea of connecting more with people and talking to a camera and others about topics that could potentially help others and spend hours editing, because that’s just what I enjoy doing. It’s hard work, but something I would absolutely enjoy. I want to become confident in vlogging, even mundane things like me typing now on my laptop and talking crap like I do on instagram stories, because that’s the stuff I love so why can’t I too create the stuff I already enjoy watching.
But I lost track of all this. I grew obsessed with growing. My pinterest is currently full of articles on how to grow your blog, how to grow your instagram, how I earn’t $1,000 in my first month of blogging and do you know what, it’s not helpful in the slightest, it’s actually really damaging. Because although I am all for the free tips – don’t get me started on those that ask people to pay for tips and tricks- I think some could be detrimental. Maybe it’s just me that is sensitive but I don’t find hearing how people made x amount in x amount helpful. It can make me feel like such a failure like I really am doing the wrong things. When actually most of it is contacting brands, writing, posting and plugging yourself on all social medias *just don’t bombard* that can get annoying.Of course I know some points that these articles make are helpful. for example they mention things like when not creating content you should be doing admin, but I’m clueless to all of this and the guilt that I don’t spend every evening working on my socials is sometimes to the point that my evenings are ruined, I just feel clueless although I know that it can all be sorted and I will find my mojo and what to do with my evenings.
I notice that groups of bloggers will constantly give each shout outs, meet for lunch and shooting trips and sometimes I think am I not cool enough to join the girl groups, is my content not good enough, have I not got enough followers to be deemed cool enough and then I worry will I ever be cool enough? But then I realise it’s fine, of course I’d love a blogging girl gang and of course it makes the whole thing fun. But I’ve got my two girls that I create content with and they are pretty fabulous. Plus if I really find some other lovelies to chat and connect with I want to be authentic and not just because of my numbers and for the shout outs but because we are just like minded and enjoy each others companies, not to mention treat each other like queens and cheer at all goals met!
But from my realisation I realised that you don’t start great at something, you learn and become great at it. If you focus on why you do what you do and work hard and try not to compare (because lets be honest we all do it) I have so much I know I want and will do. Like for example I really want to get properly stuck into my youtube. Francesca said she literally saw a post about telling to start something so she started her youtube and bam look at her blossom she is nearly at 400 followers already. If you do what you love then that will show on all that you do and people will learn to love it to. So it’s time to fully immerse in all that I’m doing and just watch all that I dream of work for me. Because I am only going to focus on the why from now on.But now is the time to tell myself to do it, even if my self sabotaging brain tells me no, tells me I’m tired, tells me I don’t have time I need to work on telling my mind to stop and that actually I do have time to do the things I want (it doesn’t matter if I’m still up at 11 typing away, it’s actually a good thing) tell myself there will be other times to sleep and in all honesty you’re probably not as tired as your body is saying because your body is always telling you you’re tired and you’re giving in too much. You got this, you have time to do everything you want.