I was listening to the Pretty Basic podcast by Alisha Marie and Remi Cruz – FYI their names might prop up over a few blog posts because I can’t help listening along to them and just nodding in agreement to pretty much everything they say. They were discussing worrying and caring what others think about you and whether you do or don’t do certain things due to the fear. With these girls having a pretty hefty following each they were discussing the worry about sharing things and their followings judging. But it is still relatable to everyone to.For example, I’m 24. I’m a grown woman and I will put my hand up and say yes I really worry what people think of me. In fact its one thing that massively holds me back. Sometimes I can say things and if someone disagrees I feel stupid and like I’ve been smacked in the head to be put back into a box almost. (but that’s the overthinking in me) Or on the other end I won’t say things in fear of being misjudged or people thinking negative things about me. This can be in a lot of different ways. From when I see someone post something on instagram stories and I want to reply saying I agree or to start a conversation but I worry too much and care what someone might think and so I don’t send that message. Another example of not doing something in fear of judgement is – I could want to do something, an activity, wear a certain outfit, anything and either ask someones opinion and get a negative reply and that’s it I’m done, I won’t wear it, I won’t do that activity because I fear being seen in a bad way. It can be a little hard sometimes, as really I know what I want to do, but I’m so worried anyone could judge that I don’t end up doing/saying/wearing said thing. How bad is that?!
The girls were saying that a lot of the time when it comes down to worrying what people think it’s usually based on our appearances. Meaning a lot of girls will always wear make up when out, making sure that our hair is perfect, fussing over an outfit. But really it’s not our looks we are worried about it’s our personalities. The way we come across to people, the reputation you give off to people can be the difference between you doing something and not doing it because you’re worried of what people will think. How damaging really is this though. Hiding parts of your personality because you’re worried what others might think really can’t be good for our mental health, and just you as a person in general. For me, when trying to chat to people particularly on instagram, but more recently in person as well, is that I worry I am not interesting or funny enough to carry on a conversation. So I begin to panic conversations could go stagnant real quick and so sometimes I feel I could either over do it and be too in your face or I get bad social anxiety and become a little mute and just sit their listening in on conversations or I just won’t reply to that instagram story that I nod along in silent agreement too. At the end of the day we are all our own worst enemies, we are great at self sabotaging. So really it’s best to welcome the discomfort in your life, welcome the uncomfortable anxious feeling you have going on and sit with it. Then hit that send button or start that conversation. Face the fear. Because really unless you are a nasty person and the first thing you say is horrible well then maybe that person won’t want to be your friend. But honestly how often has it gone wrong? I bet the majority of the time it’s begun a pretty great friendship or even just a mediocre one where you talk now and again. That’s still a good thing. We need to trust ourselves and our own intuition.
Another thought they spoke about is do we accept ourselves and care less what people think on the internet. One of the girls said that she would openly film herself crying and talking about the subject of why she is while the other said she keeps a lot of that stuff private and she would tend to do this to IRL friends instead. I think for this it is personal preference. Sometimes I will be honest with people online. For me using twitter or something to get out my negative moods has always been an outlet. But after speaking to friends and things and discussing, well why wouldn’t you just write it in a book and keep it private? It’s attention seeking? And mostly I have stopped (it helps I don’t get too negative anymore anyway) But I stopped because friends judged. But for me tapping on a keyboard about how I felt and then closing the app and forgetting it (even deleting it later because the feeling had now gone) was therapeutic. It’s like writing the feelings down and then chucking it, just in a technological way. It’s ok to do. You can share emotions with the online world or with your friends and either is fine. It’s not say just because I wrote stuff online I didn’t share with friends, because sometimes I do call my friends to have a good cry or when my boyfriend has annoyed me. I do a mixture of both, it’s fine to do. However, I have actually gone as far as to block a select few people on my instagram stories in fear of being judged. But if people judge you does that not say more about them then it does you?
I think the question is, does the feeling ever go of worrying about what people think of you? Probably. I think it comes from learning about yourself and realising who you want to be and also being ok with that. It’s not an age thing at all. It’s about feeling confident in yourself. Be confident in your make up, hair and clothing choices. Be confident in your thoughts. Who cares if people think differently. It’s actually a lot better to think differently because if we all thought the same, dressed the same, wore our hair and make up the same. Well the world would be pretty darn boring right? And to end this I have literally just signed up to my first yoga class this Sunday (it’s the 2nd of January as I write this). Am I shitting it? Yes, I’m worried that these people are going to be so amazing and my inflexible body will be unable to do most of it. But I’ve been wanting to yoga for the longest time and I bet most of the people in the class started off like me. It’s ok, if people judge my postures and the instructor comes up to me and pushes my back down or stretches me to immense pain, well it’s all good. I’m learning and like I said, it says more about the people judging then it does about me!