Nearly the end of another year and it is time to take a minute, a breather if you will and look back at the year that was 2018.
Currently it is the 23rd of December and some of you may be reading this or you may have already delved into the Christmas festivities set to take over the last week and a bit of the year. I am getting ready for my first Christmas dinner of the season at my grandparents house so everything is in full swing for me. Not to mention last night was full of cheese and wine! From now till the 1st of January if there is not a glass of something or even any form of food in my hand I am doing something very wrong. I think when it get’s to this time of year and we have the week of blissful nothingness we begin to think back on our year and even start looking forward to the new year eagerly awaiting at our door steps. It’s that time where we all hit the drawing board of ideas and things we want to achieve if we get a little wiggle on, we have a complete wind down and a big party and then bam, back to reality and it all starts over for another year. But let’s look back on 2018.
I think it has been a pretty god darn good year if you ask me.
But then I could also say it’s been nothing amazing (but that’s the negativity Beth talking that we need to squash out)
I went surfing twice, once in Newquay like we do every year and once in Morocco where I had such an eye opening experience and met some of the most amazing people and oh the food, don’t forget the amazing food. I had a few months where my instagram really took off (next year the blog) I went blonde, I learnt to listen to myself more and starting to practice the art of mindfulness and the law of attraction. I became more socialable, making lots of new friends thanks to instagram. I went to my first blogging events and partnered with some incredible brands that I only dreamed of working with ( MissSelfridge, The Body Shop, SIMBA, Dorothy Perkins, Dermalogica to name a few) and I passed my driving test of course.
But in other times it has been all to overwhelming and not so great, it’s all about balance after all! Knowing there is so much I want to achieve, things I want to do such as really delve into youtube and blogging fully. Where I have topics that I write about that have some value to people as well as youtube videos where I sit down with friends and we discuss things that are dear to them or just girly chats that we can nod a long to and be like ‘yes, I totally get you’ and even just the simpler topics of blogging and youtube, think hauls, vlogs you name it, this girl wants to do it. I want to do this full time after all. Like I say so often but with working full time there never seems to be enough hours in the day and with others around me getting engaged and having children and moving out to have their own places.. HELLO! I’m 24 and still live it at home, that’s bloody scary. But with knowing that renting isn’t an option (if I ever want to own a property and renovate it) then at home I shall stay till it is the right time. But it’s so scary. I don’t feel like I have hit any major milestone yet and that really eats me up more often than I care to admit.
I have big plans for myself but with the laziness that is me I feel I have been unable to fully achieve all that I can in 2018. So it’s time that I stick a finger up my arse and get on with it all. Plans don’t make themselves after all, you have to give them a little tap or a big shove in the right direction. I need to push through the lazy haze of juggling work, future work (blogging), friends, family, relationship and down time and get it all balanced if I ever want to achieve all that I need to and sometimes that’s why a new year is such a good thing. It’s your time to write a new chapter to your life, or even a book depending on the changes you want to achieve.
There have been times of real misery and having no energy due to the overwhelming feelings, of screaming and crying and being a right psychotic bitch because I don’t know how to control my emotions and honestly it’s exhausting, although I said that this year I have learnt mindfulness and the law of attraction. With the laziness comes the no practicing and so the control and being kind to myself slips. Honestly it’s scary when I feel all of these emotions, it’s exhausting and it’s a vicious circle of running out of steam, struggling to balance everything and going into a full on melt down.
I need to learn to be kind to myself next year. To really learn who Beth Apps is. What is she really like? Can she achieve what she wants? How can she learn to be kind to herself and most importantly learn to fully embrace and love herself. Those are important. Because if you can learn all about yourself and learn to look after yourself then I feel the world can truly be your oyster, you can achieve anything.
I feel there really is a fine line between putting pressure on yourself and really putting pressure on yourself to where you become the one thing you dislike most about yourself. That’s why next year, I want to embrace everything I’m going to achieve, learn how to really be a positive person and most importantly kick arse.
2018 wasn’t bad at all. In fact it was quite breezy. But I promise 2019 is going to be something else. I am ready to become 2.0 version of myself and really show myself what is I can do if I set my mind to something and stick with it.